Volunteer

Mon, 8 Feb 2010 20:40:50 -0500

Volunteer

During his spare time my brother, an attorney, volunteers on
his town's fire and rescue squad.

When I mentioned this to a friend, he smiled and said, "Let
me get this straight. Your brother is a lawyer and an EMT?
So he doesn't have to chase the ambulance -- he's already in
it?"

Turn around is fair play

The REDNECK FIRE ALARM

Sun, 7 Feb 2010 15:51:13 -0500

Now that's funny...I don't care who you are.

What Can We Eat

Mon, 3 Aug 2009 22:24:41 -0400

Can't eat pork,   Swine flu...

Can't eat chicken,  Bird flu.

Can't eat Beef,   Mad cow.....

Can't eat eggs, Salmonella..

Can't eat fish,   heavy metal poisons
in their waters.

Can't eat fruits and veggies, insecticides and herbicides.

Hmmmmmmmmm!!!!!!!!!!!!!  M  M  M  M  M  M  M  M  M  M  M   I believe that leaves Chocolate and ice cream!!!!!!!!  Remember - - - 'STRESSED'  spelled backwards! is  'DESSERTS'  Send this to four people and you will lose 2 pounds    Delete it and you will gain 10 pounds immediately!    That's why I had to pass this on - -  - - - didn't want to risk it - - -   And I wanted to put a smile on your face.

Simple Laughs

Sun, 19 Jul 2009 19:11:50 -0400

With Swine Flu popping back up I thought I would help set the record straight. Just so everyone knows how it started. You may have seen this but it still makes me smile every time I start to think how this pandemic is being handled.

With the help of one man gun sales have increased dramastically, yes I said what I meant. As such theNRA has chosen him as there sales man of the year. Congratulations!!

And finally the Redneck of the year, maybe even the century, goes to . . . .

DEBRA JACKSON

WOMEN

Sun, 30 Nov 2008 02:14:16 -0500

WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST
She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.

Keep reading-they get better!!!

WOMEN'S REVENGE
'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet , I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked.
'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.'

UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
and still be afraid of a spider.

MARRIAGE SEMINAR
While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,
Joe and his wife Ann listened to the instructor,
'It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes.'
He addressed the man,
'Can you name your wife's favorite flower?'
Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, 'It's Pillsbury, isn't it?

CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.
She says, confused, 'Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?
He answers, 'You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store
to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco
and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own . so does she.
(I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)

WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'
'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws'

WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men..
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?'

CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know how you can be
so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
'The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you !

WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, 'You should do it because you get up first,
and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.
The husband said, 'You are in charge of cooking around here and
you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.'
Wife replies, 'No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.'
Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me.'
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says 'HEBREWS'

The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home
and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him
at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
'Please wake me at 5:00 AM .' He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him,
when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM . Wake up.'
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece

You think that’s funny?

Volunteer

The REDNECK FIRE ALARM

What Can We Eat

Simple Laughs

WOMEN